“I’ve been coming to Cannes for 16 years and this is the worst weather I’ve ever seen here.”

I’m not sure why it had to rain so appallingly for my first visit to Cannes. If I was the suspicious kind, a paranoid Alex Jones or David Ike type, I would almost put it down to some elaborate conspiracy devised to keep me from enjoying myself. Maybe they would blame it on immigration and Infowars.com have already done a wholly contrived and largely implausible story on it. Perhaps the North Koreans have some involvement, or even Donald Trump. Maybe this thing goes all way to the top, tailing right up to the inner circles of the Supreme Court of the United States.  I will never know (mostly because I have no intention of ever checking ).

You can now follow my increasingly strange adventures on Instagram here.