An itemized list of my impressions of Los Angeles
There’s very little I can tell you about Los Angeles that hasn’t been already been said countless times before. There is no new revelation to be found in repeated tales of shattered dreams and careless degeneracy in the Hollywood Hills. You know all about that stuff already, everybody knows it. The violence, sleaze, drugs, and filth have been weighed, measured, analyzed, imitated and parodied beyond the sufficiency of any inclination.
By now, it is fairly widely understood that Los Angeles is by no means the glamorous city that the movies and press would have had us believe – I would contend that it’s barely even a city, and more a hazy collection of cliches and disappointments, punctuated now and then with a shopping mall or crime scene. It is a dangerous and empty spectacle of hypocrisy and self interest, fair enough, but that is not to say that I didn’t enjoy my time there.
Rather than bore you with more derivative and self-indulgent word play and exhaustive pails of washy spiel, I’ll try to keep things as brief as possible and deliver my impressions of LA in list form. It is very much worth noting that the considerable amount of my time – excepting a short trip to Hollywood – was spent working in a studio in Century City, where (as many people have been quick to point out) there’s not all that much going on. I think back to my week in LA less as a work trip, and more as an incredibly long commute.
- I’ve never seen such a highly a populated area appear so barren and lacking in the most basic traces of human life (neither pedestrians nor cyclists exist in LA, apparently).
- Public transport also appears to be almost entirely non-existent.
- In-N-Out Burger, though enjoyable, is somewhat of a disappointment. I had a Double-Double Animal Style, and while I found it perfectly enjoyable, I still prefer London’s Honest Burger. Shots fired.
- You will not struggle to find a good margarita – or any other tequila based drink for that matter. I’m certain this can be largely attributed to the greater variety and better quality of tequila on offer over there.
- As long as you’re doing it on private/company property, a driver’s license is not required to drive a golf buggy. At least, I think so. Should this not be the case, I want to be clear in declaring that I did not drive any description of buggy (golf or otherwise) at anytime while in LA.
- It is nearly impossible to find a driver willing to take you to Skid Row. I wouldn’t say that I’m any sort of slum tourist, but after having spent a year living in one of Ireland’s most impoverished neighborhoods, I believe that I will forever be drawn to these kinds of areas. I like knowing what’s really going on behind the respectable, tourist money friendly front-end of a town.
- If it wasn’t for the mostly unacknowledged hard work of its Hispanic population, this city’s hospitality industry would collapse immediately.
- Many of the people working in service roles appear to find it next to impossible to convey any sort of negative emotion. Everyone is having a great day and everything you say as a customer is super. This may have a lot to do with the tipping culture over there, however, it does no favours for the city’s reputation for insincerity. However, I am perfectly willing to accept that to some degree my belief that waiters are only being nice because they’re being paid to do so could be the result of my own paranoia. And besides, it’s not exactly like it’s the most straightforward thing to examine with any degree of accuracy. As far as I know, basic human goodwill is currently not a standard feature included in most itemized billing practices.
- Unless you are actually working on a show/film, most Hollywood studios are rather straightforward and lifeless quarters. But, I will say that the catering in Fox Studios is second to none.
- Seeing so many out of work actors waiting tables is indeed a saddening site, however, at the very least, it does bring a sense of the theatrical to dinner.
- Uber drivers are a woefully overlooked source of information on the city. Also, taking an UberPOOL is probably a better method for meeting new and interesting people than all of the city’s bars and clubs combined.
- The departure lounge at LAX is one of the most disheartening places on earth. I could give an exhaustive breakdown as to why this is the case, but instead I’ll mention only that the United Airlines first class lounge does not offer an open bar, which, I think, pretty much says all you need to know, i.e. it’s practically medieval.
- At $20/ticket, a trip to The Hollywood Comedy Store is fantastic value for money and a highly entertaining way to spend an evening . In a single show, I was able to watch Chris D’Elia, Tony Hinchcliffe, Judd Apatow, Neal Brennan and Joe Rogan perform stand-up live.
- Hollywood Boulevard absolutely stinks of weed.
I wish I had more to offer in terms of impressions and suggestions on places to go, but ,unfortunately, that is not the case. I suppose this post really functions only to chronicle that I actually went there.
You can now follow my increasingly strange adventures on Instagram here.
I appreciate your take on the city. I’ve never been there, but too often people fail to get to the nitty-gritty. Thanks.
Would you recommend we travel there and see it for ourselves?
When we heading to Southeast Asia, we were cautioned about the conditioned there. However, once we arrived and experienced it for ourselves we found it to be not as it was said.
Hi Gabriel,
I would certainly recommend you go and see for yourself. I would perhaps only suggest that you go with a clear plan of what you want to do there. AT least from what I could tell, it’s not the kind of city that you can just sort of stroll around and chance upon something interesting. Actually, that has been my experience of much of the US. They are a car culture over there.
Great, thanks. I don’t like driving much but if it is a must then we can make some exception.
If anywhere deserves its earthquake?