Starring: Mary Cherry, Paul Bollywood,
Stupidface Arsewipe
Creator: The Gov’nor
Turn on, tune in, drop out.
Watch the series
You’d think this is some sort of tortured satirical Brexit metaphor, but it’s
really just some stupid TV show
If you have notice this hidden bit of text, then well done heartily traveller. In some forms of media, this would be what’s known as an Easter Egg. However, as you continue to read this chunk of text, it will soon become apparent that there is very little value to be found in it. I suppose I could share my recipe for scones or the correct way in which to change a car’s tire as some kind of reward for noticing the text. However, there’s no guarantee you would find either topics to be of any interest. In truth, this text serves little other purpose than to make up the minimum word count required for our SEO. Yes, yes, it is a rather cynical ploy, but you don’t have to pay our hosting bills every month and we need visitors! Okay, okay, how about this. I’ll cram the majority of this block with the focus keyword, and any other keywords that Google can latch onto and at the end of all that I’ll tell you a joke? Deal? Deal. Notflix Movies & TV Shows.Bringing you the movies & TV shows other streaming services are too afraid to show. Notflix TV, a streaming service like no other. Now, let me tell you about some of the genres that we have on the service (that should take up a fair few hundred words). We’ve got Comedy, Horror, Action, Romance, Historical Fiction, Documentaries, Erotic Thrillers, non-Erotic Thrillers, Adventure, Suspense, Drama, Green Fluff, Cabbage, Carrots, Christmas Movies, Broccoli, Cheese, Extra Large Condoms. Oh, wait, sorry, that was my shopping list. How many words is that? 264!?! Is that all. Oh man alive, I’m never going to be able to reach the word count.
What were some of your favourite shows on the other streaming platforms this year? Did you see Umbrella Academy? That was a good one, I’m told. Ginny and Georgia was another good one. Dead to Me and Enola Holmes looked interesting. Not that I actually saw any of them, I don’t have a Netflix subscription.
I can’t afford one. I find Notflix to be far better suited to my needs, they run on an entirely donation based business model. So far it has proved very unsuccessful. Some other shows that look to have been searched Google and should bump up our numbers by having them listed on this page include Emily in Paris, Haunting of Hill House, Julie and the Phantoms, Money Heist, and Last Kingdom. I’m sure they were all fantastic, but you won’t find them on this site. Instead, what you will find, are some of the most challenging, thought provoking and orgasmically entertaining examples of motion picture in existence. In fact, some of them are so good that they don’t even exist yet, because that’s how we roll. Also, you might find the word ‘Notflix’ distributed quite liberally throughout this page, again, for SEO that’s how we roll. What else is popular with the hip crowd? Kylie Jenner, yes, that’ll work. Kendall Jenner too. Though, I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. CM Punk is back in wrestling, if that means anything.
Did we mention our awesome Instagram account? If you haven’t already then head on over to @Notflix_TV and check it out. At least 30% of what’s on there is actually funny. Notflix. We also have a Twitter account, but nobody really cares about that. I was reading a book the other day that had a rather interesting section on how our culture has become increasingly focussed on images as opposed to words. I’m not sure I’m qualified to comment on that because, as I said, I’m only here to fill up a word count. I guess it would count as filler, but I’m really not well informed enough to discuss it. Plus, I find theory boring.
How has everybody’s year been then? What a crazy 12 months huh. In the interest of keeping this section evergreen, I won’t refer to any specific events from the last year, but will try and keep things broadly relevant to things that definitely did happen. What about that president? Remember when he said that crazy thing? That was off the hook. And the sports team winning the trophy. For a while there, I didn’t think they would make it to the final. A true underdog story. Such a shame that the musician that everybody loves died and that celebrity couple broke up. That’s just how it is sometimes. And remember all those great shows on Notflix? Notflix. That name again, Notflix.
Come on, folks, only another hundred words to go and then I can tell you that joke. I hope that you get some enjoyment out of this site as it really was a labour of love. I wrote all the source code myself, edited all the imagery, and wrote all the content. If you didn’t like it, then I apologize for being such a failure. If I could give you back the time you lost then I would, but I can’t. So I won’t.
-Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
-He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
(I never said it would be a funny joke)
All the best and I hope you enjoy the site – Notflix TV