On Monday 21st July, I entered Homerton Hospital’s Accident and Emergency unit in East London troubled with a case of double-vision that had been bothering me for a number of days – it was my stupid and foolhardy male pride that stopped me from seeking assistance as soon as I first noticed the onset of the complaint. Upon explaining my symptoms to the clerk at the reception desk, I was promptly rushed into the emergency room for an urgent CT scan and was swiftly relieved of a sizable volume of my blood so that it might be used for testing purposes. The X-ray computed tomography (as I’ve never actually heard anybody call it), besides subjecting my brain to a year’s worth of otherwise undesirable radiation, revealed no sign of traumatic injury, haemorrhage, cerebral infarction, brain tumour or aneurism. The bloods also came up totally clean. It was concluded that I was not suffering from any immediately life-threatening malady and, following a number of quick tests to ensure that my motor skills were in correct working order and a brief round of questioning to ensure that I was fully corpus mentis, I was discharged and ordered to arrange an appointment with my GP as soon as possible.
According to my GP, the double vision with which I had been struggling – referred to as diplopia in medical parlance – was the result of a dysfunction in the VI cranial abducens nerve in my left eye (an affliction otherwise referred to as 6th nerve palsy). I am told that a unilateral abducens nerve palsy is the most common of all the isolated ocular nerve palsies, a moderately interesting, if an almost utterly useless, piece of information. With the issue identified as an affliction of the nervous system, my GP made appointments for me to undergo further blood testing to confirm that I hadn’t developed diabetes and to rule the possibility that I could have an underactive thyroid. Following these tests, an appointment to meet with a neurologist and to undergo an MRI scan was then arranged.
In the fortnight that followed, I had my blood taken 6 times, I managed to steal 2 hospital gowns, I took three separate eye tests – including vision, spatial perception and differentiation examinations – and was subjected to a tedious number of motor skill proficiency evaluations from which it has been concluded that although my balance, coordination, reflexes, limbs and digits may be in sufficient working order, I have little potential and few prospects as regards a career in tightrope walking (or any gymnastic activity for that matter).
I went for my MRI scan on an overcast Wednesday afternoon at the radiology department at Homerton Hospital. One observation as I sat in my gown and socks in the facility’s waiting room. The lady immediately ahead of me in line for the scan was a heavy-set African woman with limited English and an fussy temper. With a woman of her size, the provided standard issue open-backed gown did little to cover her more sensitive regions. Please bare in mind that, even at the best of times, these are not exactly the most flattering of clothing item. I’m sure that you can imagine the totally inadequate service that such a sartorial abomination would provide to the modesty of an overweight and middle-aged, African woman. The assistant nurse (an incredibly camp and highly affable guy in his mid-twenties) tried to help the woman by clumsily draping a second gown over her back and directing her already sleeved arms through a second pair of armholes from behind, which from where I was sitting kind of looked like he was attempting to put her into some sort of wicked half-nelson grappling hold. All the time, and in very broken English, she’s insisting that she doesn’t need the second gown and the two of them are flapping around in this awkward and clumsy reverse tango-like exchange that really only results in myself and the other nurse in the room getting an eye-full of exposed arse at least a dozen time. This may not be one of the most appropriate times that I’ve ever laughed out loud, but when you’re a few minutes away from having your bacon fried with radiation, you take any comic relief that you can from what is otherwise a very stiff and sober business.
wouldn’t, but he agreed that it is quite plausible what I am experiencing could be an early symptom of Multiple Sclerosis. This was an incredibly inconvenient piece of information to receive on an otherwise uneventful Friday afternoon. It really put a downer on my weekend plans.
Noticing my obvious anxiety, the registrar assured me that, should the latter be the case, it would be advisable to refrain from getting ahead of myself and assuming the worst. While the image of the wheelchair-bound and wholly dependent cripple may be the prevalent impression one associates with MS, I am told that such cases are in fact quite rare and I should make every effort not to think in terms of such extremes. The spectrum of Multiple Sclerosis, he tells me, is actually rather broad and the condition can manifest itself in all manner of varying degrees, depending on a whole host of different factors. While I must commend the doctor for his measured and pragmatic approach to addressing my concerns, his words did sod all to comfort me.
I was asked if I had any questions, but the best I could muster croaked out of me as a series of disjointed and partially irrelevant banalities about moving forward and “advisable courses of action” and some other stupid shit that I can’t even remember. He sent me for some more blood tests and informed me that I should expect to receive a letter of referral to the National Hospital for Neurology at some time over the next few weeks. I am scared.
This is surely a scary time for you. But don’t forget, the human organism has great powers of self-healing. Have faith in it. Relaxation CDs are good to listen to, because I’ve heard the bod does much of its repair work while we’re in a relaxed state. I know this is easier said than done.
I hope you are fine. I had the double vision and went to the doctors, but luckily it is just my right eye trying to look at my right ear at inconvenient times. It’s called a latent squint and is the result of being massively short sighted. But for a while there (6 months) I was in limbo, not knowing. It is the worst. I hope that you find out soon and that it is good news. 🙂
I’m sorry to read you’re going through this uncertainty and the anxiety it brings. Keep writing, if it helps. I’ll be looking out to hear how you’re doing, and you’ll no doubt cross my thoughts between now and then.
Get well soonest. i send you all the healing i can.
My best to you
john
What a story! Here’s hoping you are one of those with an isolated instance. But either way, it’s true that your life will never be the same now. It will take time for you to get accustomed to that. I had to chuckle a bit at your experiencing double vision (for days!) and not going to the doctor… why oh why do men act this way?
I cannot imagine receiving that kind of news! Try and take things one step at a time and try not to project a negative outcome.
Hoping for all the best. Glad you at least went into the doc and got checked out. Better sooner than later right? Hope you are able to relax in the meantime
Awful. Not surprising your priorities have changed. Hard to think of anything else, I’d imagine. Thinking of you.
All the best to you! We’re all thinking of you!
Wow. So sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope that you will get some good news soon.
Good luck with the diagnosis. Your humor seems to have remained in tact through the ordeal.
Very best of luck with your ongoing tests
I am sorry to hear about your health concerns. But I must admit, I did laugh out loud reading about the tight robe tango episode, you described. I hope the rest will turn out fine, as well.
Good luck. I wish you’re blessed with the best of health :).
Sorry to here about recent health adventures. I found it interesting that you presented the way you did as I had a similar occurance about 10 years ago. Though in hind site my neurologist believe in my case it was possibly my first outward sign of my Parkinson’s. DX in 2011 with YOPD.
Best of luck to you.
Sincerely
Benjamin
I took a look at your artwork, it’s quite remarkable stuff, well done.
Thank you very much. I really appreciate that. I hope the day has treated you well.
Being brand new to Blogging I couldn’t find a way to comment on your post that wasn’t a “Reply” to your reply to some other comment. But all I wanted to say is that your writing is surprisingly fine. I hope your brain is fine too.
I truly hope that this is just a scare and the doctors are able to remedy your situation. I will have you in my prayers and hope for the best for you.
My Dad had a similar experience about two years ago. He went for a simple hearing test and was suddenly having the MRI, which showed lesions in his brain, so he was told he might have MS. Luckily, my mother studied MS for her Masters and my brother writes software to analyse MRI scans, so we were cooler than the average family about such results. It didn’t stop Dad from being pretty shaken up! With a radiologist and a doctor in the family, we got some more opinions. It seems that lesions in the brain aren’t that unusual (if everyone were getting MRIs, we’d probably find they were really common) and they don’t always cause us trouble because our wonderfully mysterious and adaptive brains have more than one way of doing everything. Two years on, after some tenterhooks and of course being unable to stop searching for more symptoms of disaster, my dad is just fine. In fact, to be sure his brain was working all right, he built an addition to the house largely by himself. I was glad to see your story and read about someone else going through this so I could show my dad, and I sincerely hope you too have a perfectly normal brain and will find some inspiration once the fear has passed.
Thanks for such a thoughtful comment
A beautifully written account of what was undoubtedly a frightening experience. And it’s always best to get these things checked out, however scary it is. All the best for the future tests.
Sorry to read that you’re going through a worrying time. I too have been experiencing problems with my sight and have been referred to a specialist. Although not neurological, it’s unclear at the moment what the problem means for my long term vision. So I can relate to how awful it feels being told that what you fear is true could possibly be true and then to have to face the dreaded wait for answers. I hope that the end result is good for you and that you’re not kept waiting too long.
Thanks for this, I always look forward to your dispatches. I used to work in the neuro field and can confirm what you’ve been told about the wide spectrum that is MS. Hope you haven’t been scaring yourself s-less with too much Googling I heard a specialist on the radio the other day saying the first question he asks is “What have you read on the internet?” I wonder which side you’re coming down on in balance, the side that says you haven’t got MS or the side that says you have? Looking forward to hearing more when you have more news, and fingers crossed the news will be good.
I went through a similar experience in December. Vision in left eye wasn’t right, colors dim, as if a curtain had been pulled across the vision field. Right eye’s vision was fine. Numerous tests, blood drawn, MRI, consults with a Neurologist and Opthamologist. They didn’t want to worry me but did say my eye condition, Optic Neuritis, can be an early sign of MS. My MRI showed no legions anywhere, and as I am almost 50, the doctors did say I am a bit on the old side to be developing MS. Treatments of iv steroid for 2 weeks, and then oral steroids cleared up the Optic Neuritis. More blood work showed no causes as to why it happened in the first place. Had to admit that glasses were now needed, bifocals! I will be praying for you, that this is just a flukey thing, and that MS is not what you have.
Hope you find out soon what the matter is.
prayers and good wishes.
I hope everything works out favourably for you. Love your sense of humour in the midst of this trying experience.
If you would like to increase your experience just keep visiting this web
site and be updated with the latest news posted here.
i have had ms for 10 years. IF that’s the case, as inconvenient as it may be, it’s not a death sentence. if you’d like to vent, i’m happy to listen.
-d
I’m 60 mate; the buggers haven’t killed me yet – not for the want of trying 🙂 You’ll be ok, I’m sure. Stay well x
Ha ha , great comment, thanks
Waiting out diagnostic processes is a pain. Wishing the best for you. As others have mentioned, if MS is diagnosed, there is huge variability in how it affects people and a range of medications available to slow it down and counteract various symptoms. A good friend has had MS for over twenty years and continues her busy job as a music teacher.
I wish you all the best with your tests and pray the results prove to be good news for you. If you believe in God, put it into his very capable hands. He is, after all, the great physician anbd he will answer prayer and give the doctors wisdom beyond all understanding in order to help you. Thank you, by the way, for the follow on my blog!
I was diagnosed with MS 7 years ago. After review I realized I had had MS for about 30 years already and didn’t know it. I tell you that to show how mild this disease can be. I hope you find out that your health is perfect, and sorry you have to go through this difficult time. I send you thoughts of acceptance and peace.
(By the way, I love the way you write! Beautiful prose.)
All the best to you.
I’m glad that rather than shrivel up and ruminate privately you’ve brilliantly articulated and shared your experience. I sincerely hope I find an eloquent length of good news from you in my Reader soon 🙂 Best wishes, truly
Man can I relate! I remember what it was like when they FINALLY told me I had cervical cancer…went through a painful hysterectomy and it appears it’s fled…but then a few years later, a “spot” was seen on my lungs. I was in complete terror as I waited for the specialist to come in and tell me it was cancer. My blood pressure was so high, I thought I was going to have to pick my heart up off the floor as it jumped out of my chest!
Thankfully though, the doctor came and said it’s not “serious” at this point and that I just have to have a check-up every year to see if it “changes.” But enough of me, back to you. Yes, it’s quite normal to feel anxious; however, I sense your positive sense of humor will get you through this no matter what the outcome. Keep your chin up! Sending a prayer your way!
Diff condition (I had cancer) but the waiting for results is the worst! I remember feeling so stressed and scared by the uncertainty. Like I said, know it’s different but I do get what your saying. Hugs! Let us know how you get on. Nx
You may or may not have noticed that your tests were glucose based, and if you were able to watch them you would see that the sugar gravitated to the problem area. Right there is a key you might hold on to.
The link below leads to an anticancer presentation, which was a summary from the book called ANTICANCER by Dr David Servan-Schreiber, PHD from University of Pittsburg. He suffered brain cancer twice. Dr. Servan-Schreiber made it simple by making the presentation into a video of 60 minutes.
It is worth spending an hour listening and learning from him as he did lots of scientific research on cancer and how to inhibit it. My hope is that you will find it useful.
UCTV Anticancer Course Documentary in English, with both Chinese and English captions. 😉 You may not need the Chinese.
http://v.163.com/movie/2010/5/P/0/M81E39NFB_M81LFG3P0.html
I think the waiting is the hardest. Once you know what your dealing with I think it is easier.
My gosh! This experience sounds awful and confusing! It puts my recent dental drama (a.k.a., 12 cavities) to shame. Hope you find some answers soon.
I hope you have been able to relax a little. I think not knowing is worse than knowing. You can’t do anything but let your imagination run wild. Take care of yourself.
I was pondering on what I could possibly say that others haven’t said to encourage you. I came out blank so all I could say I am emphatic and I will keep an eye on your blog to see how you’re doing. Wishing you lots of love and strength!
My thoughts are with you.
I’m hoping for the best outcome possible. And I have to say your description of the lady in the hospital gown and the poor helpful nurse will stay with me for a while. I love how you’ve used humor to offset something that is scary and traumatic, and I wish you the best.
I wish you good luck. Keep your chin up and your humour strong.
When our body begins to malfunction with possible serious results, it is indeed a frightening time. Your writing style lends a humorous dignity reminiscient of Twain. Hoping steady and continous improvement is on the horizon.
Hey mate, hope you’re doing alright. Do you know when your results are coming in? And forgive me if it’s already been mentioned… It’s my first day today.
Still waiting on more tests. Thanks for your kindness
Sorry to hear of your predicament! But I enjoyed the delivery! 🙂 Entertaining prose style. Hopefully it’s just a ‘scratch’ and all will be good! Take care and keep writing.
There’s almost nothing worse than being in “medical limbo”… But I’ll add (voice of experience here) that your very-evident sense of humor can go a long way in keeping-you-going. 🙂 DO hang onto that, along with those pilfered hospital gowns!
When I was pregnant with my second child, I started randomly losing my vision for an hour here, an hour there, etc. I would see haloes around my periphery, but the centers were always like a black hole. Needless to say, much like you, I was a bit concerned.
I went to the hospital because I was concerned there might be something wrong with my baby, but they could find no evidence of anything wrong with me at all. They sent me to all kinds of specialists and I had the entire neurological department at Northwestern Memorial Hospital here in Chicago completely stumped.
Like you, without any sort of definitive explanation or diagnosis, there were many moments where I didn’t know if I was suffering some life-threatening issue or just hav
… having a bad day. In the end, I never really got an answer. They at least finally concluded I must be having ocular migraines without the headaches, but (fortunately) it’s never happened since.
The body is certainly a strange and mysterious machine.
You managed to steal two hospital gowns…??
One gown- you’re pretty clever. Two? Absolute genius.
I’m sure that you will continue to be a gown swindling genius no matter what the MS test results say 🙂
Amusing writing about an obviously worrying situation – you had me chuckling about the gown situation. I wish you all the best and hope you don’t have to wait too long for good news.
As no one else has commented on the sly “bare in mind”/”bear in mind” wordplay, which sends this mind from “bare bottom” to, I suppose, the silly “bear bottom,” I shall do so. Well done. I trust you will soon get a definitive diagnosis — it’s the suspense that’s so awful, often these days heightened by imprudent browsing of the Internet, a recourse in such situations that I strongly, strongly advise everyone reading this against, because if I had had any of the several conditions that my wife and I diagnosed myself with a year or so ago, I would have had reason to be depressed, but as it was, I upset myself pointlessly — and, yes, my sister-in-law has mild, MS but you’d never know it. It’s just not a thing. Thanks for following my blog Traces. It’s not essential that anyone read it, but it’s sort of nice when someone does. Or someone who can appreciate it. You know what I mean.
This may sound crazy.. but whatever the results… The best is yet to come! Always!…. I was diagnosed in 2000 with MS and, what a trip! I’m a better person than I was before and I live a better life. Different in almost every way but you learn to adapt – if you choose to. And therein lies the rub! Whatever happens, life throws curve balls. Up to us what we do with them. You have a great sense of humour and a magic writing style. Neither of those can you lose and they will see you through life… No matter what! You go man! 🙂 thoughts with…
Whoa. Excellently described experience. With potential to be awful. Best of Luck with that crap. I went to the doctor yesterday and after an hour of explanations and surgical decisions – I asked, “could I get that in a print out?” Later my husband read and asked, “What’s all this about stroke and death.” Always surgical possibilities.
LOLZ. Lynn I completely agree with you and seriously I would tell everyone; actually to be more correct everyone healthy and normal looking people to read ”The man who was a hospital’ . My God these medical theories and reports and doctors medical checkups are sometimes over the top things. I am a 35 year old guy with just an acute seasonal asthma which occurred in 2000 while I was in college and it stayed on for 4 years and other than that I have never been in to any other medical problems in my life but I have experienced such doctors who try and make you feel more cautious about leading a sensibly happy exuberant and daring lifestyle. Precautions are good but don’t restraint yourself from breathing in your lungs to the fullest. Just go to your trustworthy doctors I would say.
I just started reading your blog for the first time today, and I find this? Here’s hoping everything is OK, and that whatever has caused your double vision is benign and easily remedied. And yeah, this is definitely a way to get followers because not only is your writing very readable, I’m concerned! Best wishes coming your way….
Hoping you are doing better or at least know what is going on! Just started reading and following your blog today, will keep reading. Best wishes, take care!
Oh no, this sounds horrible… Good luck and hope you get well soon!
What an excellent account of your experience! I doubt there is anything I can say to make you “feel better,” but I am holding you in my thoughts and sending all kinds of positive energy. Just keep writing. It’s one of the most healing things you can do. Writing saved my life. Literally. And one more thing: I learned, through personal experience long ago, that no one can write your ‘story’ for you. Just as on the written page, in life, you, too, are the writer. Not to be morbid, but when a doctor gave my partner two months and told us to go home and “get things in order,” I got mouthy; we switched doctors, and my partner got ten more years.
One of the main reasons I got into ‘mindfulness meditation’ was because of the overriding fears I dealt with on a daily basis. I learned that ‘fear’ is based on either a past that is, of course, over, or a future that has not yet arrived. All that regret (regarding the past) or fear (regarding the future) does is rob you of your ‘present,’ and energies that could be better spent exploring and deciding how you can be most effective, right now, in this ‘present.’
I’m writing this, now, without yet checking to see if there’s been an update because this seems like a good place to respond. Other than that, it is quite obvious that you possess all the intelligence and lucidity you need to more than adequately assess where you need to go from here.
Blessings, always!
I wonder how you are doing now. Waiting for health information is always frightening. Heck, after my bilateral mastectomy, my primary doctor told me that there are still cancer cells in my body – everyone’s body – just waiting to take hold again. Gheez! I’m a living time-bomb. Damn doctors.
Great description of your experience. I had to smile/grimace/laugh as I read your journey through the alternate world of medicine. I’ve been through that myself and commend you on keeping your sense of the absurd — it’s the only way to survive.
Absolutely!!
So true!
Hey, just read your recent blog entry. I work for the NHS and I know it can be a very frustrating system. I hope they’ve been able to give you a diagnosis and that it wouldn’t be something extremely life-changing. I am saying that in part for selfish reasons, haha, i have enjoyed reading your blogs and hope you’ll post more. Hope you’re okay.
I hate that you are my reminder to keep perspective of this fragile life I lead, no matter how dull or small, tawdry or fragile. Seems like it will be a long road before you have any definitive answers. Wishing you strength and resilience. (and a sense of humor.)
Totally agree with you that a sense of humor helps. No, it doesn’t make the problem go away but does make it more bearable. I have so many aches and pains now that I recently jokingly asked my husband if he thinks he’s going to have to put me out to pasture. He laughed with me and said, “I don’t know. I guess so.” I laughed and told him I guess that’ll be better than shooting me to put me out of my misery. 🙂
I laughed out loud at “awkward clumsy reverse-tango”. To see what you see — and report it with wry wit and literary polish — from an NHS waiting room is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us. Very best wishes for good news and good health. My thoughts will be with you.
I love your writing style! I know it is incredibly serious material but I couldn’t help myself laughing at your wonderful and honest remarks. Thankyou for sharing and I look foward to your future posts XX
I think the saying that laughter is the best medicine is so true. 🙂
Hi. This is very very well written I must say. What were you exactly thinking when he agreed that you might have MS? Is it just me or did he actually as you to diagnose yourself? He shouldn’t have scared you like that!
I hope you feel better soon! Don’t worry it won’t be MS.
Much love, Zareen
Hang in there 🙂
I went through something similar and I agree it scares the crap out everyone of us, but it gives you all the more reason to laugh at the face of fear.
I hear you and entirely empathize. The best I can say is: distract yourself from thinking the worst. You are quite obviously an excellent writer with a solid talent for description. Keep writing, please.
Writing has helped me cope with an incredibly tough time, where I once decided to stop going to the doctors because all I ever got was bad news. Now, I force myself to write something ridiculous (usually making fun of my life) when I get uncertain or afraid about the future.
Keep a journal, even if this blog is your journal.
You are an excellent writer. Use it to help get you through this time.
And I just decided to follow your blog because I want to read more of your writing, and yes, about this journey.
My best,
Cynthia in the Greater Toronto Area. (long last name, I know!!)
Totally agree with you! 🙂
Wow – amazing story. I’m glad at least the medical professionals are getting to use all their fancy gadgets and machinery.
Sounds like you have a long road ahead of you – all I can say is one day at a time and live in the moment. It does not help to think of all the potential possibilities. You have no idea what’s going to happen, so why worsen the situation by worrying? Of course that’s easy for ME to say…
Although it may be easy for you to say, it’s still encouraging advice, and it shows that you care and want to lift his spirits. I appreciate that! We all need encouragement that lifts us up instead of tears us down. 🙂
Is it ok if I begin this brief note with the note that you write extremely well? Is it too trite a comment? I
Even if it is, I really must tell you that you do write with clarity, humor, and with a decisiveness of vocabulary. For what it is worth, I have a Ph.D. in education and taught English for many years. I would read your writing anytime!
Anyway, thanks so much for choosing to follow my work on Tide Line Still Life. I hope that my photographs offer you a bit of respit from your daily challenges, and perhaps bring you point of delight from time to time. Best, Maggie
Nice comment! Very uplifting and refreshing! 🙂
Well written. Really difficult position for you to be in, hope things improve and it turns out to be a false alarm
Sending waves of physical and emotional well being to you this day.
Thanks so much for the follow too. I hope you are in a place of wellness this day.
Peace.
Cathi
I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. I know this advice is hollow, but it is all I can think to give: do not let your fear of what might be detract from what is. If you let the dread take hold of you, it will not let you go. Try to stay as positive as possible. Best wishes for the best possible outcome! <3
Great advice!
Lovely and engaging writing. Enjoyed everything until the bit about MS. If that’s the diagnosis, don’t take it without a fight, starting with a resounding “No!”
A great piece to read but I do sympathize with you, waiting for results is mind numbing and body freezing. I won’t offer any trite helpful remarks but will add I feel that with your great sense of humor you will battle any potential illness with a lot of oomph. I will add my wishes and prayers (being Irish candles will be lit) for a happy result.
Hopefully nothing bad happens! Good luck!
Fine writing here. I shall look forward to reading more.
I’m so sorry to hear about your hospitalization. no burden comes upon a man more than he can handle and there will be better times. =) stay strong and keep writing.
I just wanted to say I really enjoy your writing, and hope things might be looking a bit brighter for you? I don’t normally say this to a stranger, but my thoughts are with you.
Spooky to be at the mercy of your body!
Hope it all goes well for you. With such sophisticated tests they can do today ( how far we have come in the last 200 years in medicine..) they are sure to find out more and be able to help you.
The process can be slow though- it took them like 5 years to find out a tendon in my ankle had been torn in half!
Very good points!
Thanks for following my blog. Hopefully in fully restored health and confidence. All good thoughts
I think this is a really emotional story, I myself am a very paranoid person, I often think I have numerous diseases in any one week. And luckily, any symptoms I normally have are of other mundane infections or issues. Therefore, I can’t imagine what this experience would be like, in fact I don’t want to too much. I think it’s very brave to right your fear, and I think it’s very real. I wish you all the good health. Think positive (as they say).
Agree with you that it’s very brave for him to write about his fears and that they are very real to him. To some people, if they can’t relate to or understand what you’re going through, they kind of try to sweep it under a rug as though it doesn’t exist to you. I appreciated your empathetic comments.
You have met this challenge with courage (despite fear), a high degree of intelligence, and a healthy sense of humour…and to that I do hope you’ll add a powerful faith in your well-being (the kind that creates genuine ‘miracles’ many have experienced). It’s evident that you are not alone and many people care about you. Please keep us informed. All best wishes, Shelley (aka Ariel)
Nice comments.
You have met this challenge with courage, despite fear, intelligence, and a healthy sense of humour to which I hope you will add a powerful faith in your well-being. It’s evident that many people care about you. Please keep us informed as we wish you well.
Who wouldn’t be scared after all they put you through! It reminds me of the time that I was seeing “floaties” in my vision. It became rather distracting so I made an appointment with an eye specialist. He examined my eyes and promptly told me I was simply having “migraine headaches” in an area of my brain that did not feel pain. Could it possibly be that the same thing is happening to you? I am hoping that your diagnosis is just as benign!!
Oh, my goodness, I hope you don’t have MS. May God give you strength to take on whatever you have with courage. Wishing you all the best.
I am so sorry to hear about a possible MS diagnosis for you.
I want to encourage you not to assume you are destined to a wheelchair. I speak from the experience of my youngest daughter Robin. She was diagnosed with MS nine years ago when she was in her late thirties. She has been on different meds, went off of all meds while in remission, and now she is back on meds. My point is this – during all of this time she has led a productive life, and in the last few years has been the breadwinner of the family, because her husband is disabled. There have many advances in the treatment of MS, so try to focus on how good you feel, that’s what she does, and it does wonders for her.
Blessings,
Carol
Very encouraging! Thanks for sharing! I needed to hear that myself! 🙂
Hi
After reading your piece above I get the subliminal message or a subliminal message just as ellegant and much shorter.
I understand why you found my blog neurofaultprotection. I am not so clear if it is the magic of the ancient Ice Dragon legend and its gift of great fortune or the other posts on that web-log, which speak of the amazing power of the brain and the mind to not only repair itself but re-rout around many ijuries or obstacles.
Whichever, they are both good. The more I learn about the power of the Ice Dragon I am inclined to follow the magic of legend and let your brain do what it will. I have found the trick is to give it something so incredible to fathom out it will grow a whole new brain if that is what it takes.
If you recognise the Ice Dragon then please go to http://www.tangodragon.com and on the blog page you will findall the back-stories about the Ice Dragon Power and the Ice Dragom Master plas all the other characters who help to develop the Ice Dragon Power in the 21st century.
Believe in yourself and your incredible power to do something very special.
The issue of Schrödinger’s Cat was not resolved until the box was opened. It is easy to say don’t worry until you know something but we are not wired appropriately. Give your self a present every day to make the worry go away. And good luck.
Richard, you started following my blog which alerted me to yours, actually, and as any good writer knows—the title of a blog post is what matters. It’s the hook. This hooked me!
I’m in agreement with most of what was expressed in the comments about your wit, humor and writing skills. Absolutely stellar! Of course, the seriousness of the underlying topic is not easy ’cause one’s health, once questioned, becomes all-important. I struggle with all kinds of physical issues, and although some are very serious, what got me the worst was when, about 2 months ago, I thought I had uterine cancer. Thankfully (to say the least!), I don’t, but hearing about a possible prognosis CAN be scary!
I hope that whatever your actual issue is, that you can deal with it head on and in the best way you can, which may simply be accepting it.
And just now I went to your Twitter profile, NOT expecting to see someone so young! This is the only blog post I’ve read and don’t know how often I’ll get to read, but I definitely know where to find real QUALITY writing and entertainment! Thanks for following me. I hope I can get some good stuff up there once I have this whole blog thing under control…
Enjoyed your comments! Yes, acceptance is so important because there will be times when we must accept the outcome when it’s beyond our control but do what is within our power to do to help us to live with our condition.
Exactly! And—thank you 🙂
Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate the bits of humor and the honest fear at the end and that I got to learn about Schrödinger’s Cat which I had to look up. I’m starting to believe our bodies are constantly seeking balance. There are all kinds of points and moments in between balance and out of balance, all sorts of things, mostly minor, that could and do go wrong that our bodies naturally work to correct. So, I guess I’m not very fond of the all or nothing options offered in the Schrödinger’s Cat thought experiment, which I’m still trying to wrap my brain around. Good thing I’m more of a dog person, though I do like cats. Right now, I’m imagining your brain moving toward balance and healing, even when you are asleep. I wish you good health and continuing good humor when possible.
This can definitely be a scary experience! I went through something similar last winter, when, after an extended period of not being able to quite catch my breath and getting some heart palpitations, and ignoring it for a while to see if it would “go away,” I finally went to see my doctor and thereupon had a chest x-ray. And heart echocardiogram. And a LOT of bloodwork. And a stress test. Oh, and I head to wear a halter-mounted heart monitor for a couple days.
All of this turned out to be nothing, except my doctor saw a “smudge” on the x-ray. So, that led to my first ever CT scan. At this point, I’m really freaking out, reading all the worst case scenarios on the Internet (if you see it there, it must be true), and I show up for the exam, climbing up onto the table to be slid into this machine, with an IV hooked into my arm for some contrast fluid.
So, I’m lying on the table, breathing in when the robotic woman’s voice says “breathe in,” holding it, then breathing out when she tells me to, and the machine is spinning in its casing, making quite a lot of noise, and I notice something dripping along my arm and shoulder. It seems the IV has sprung a leak, or rather my arm has at the point where the IV enters it, and this saline-based contrast fluid is free-flowing down my arm and soaking my shirt. Of course, no one else is in the room with me, and I know I’m supposed to stay still for the scan, but I can’t really let this slide as I begin to bleed out through my arm. I manage to get the operator’s attention, and pretty quickly they’re at my side and removing the IV. Blood is pouring out of my arm, all over the floor (I’m sitting up by now), and my shirt is completely soaked with this fluid.
That’s how I came to have my own set of scrubs — or at least the shirt part. I had to have something to wear home, after all.
To make matters worse, the scan reveals some small little blob in my lung, although everything else appears to be just fine, and now all the original worries that brought me to the doctor in the first place are swept aside as everyone begins to worry about this “nodule.” Well, I begin to worry about it. The lung specialist wants to stick a camera down my airway to look at it, while the cardiologist thinks I should wait six weeks and repeat the CT scan.
I took the wait and repeat option.
So now in the space of two months I’ve had my chest bombarded with an x-ray and TWO CT scans. Meanwhile, all the original symptoms have faded away, to be replaced by insane worries about… you know… the big C. However, the second scan shows nothing (after much worrying about IVs), and the prognosis is, in the words of the cardiologist, that it was “snot.” Yes, that’s the word he used.
So, all is well, but there were some months of extreme agitation, a high dose of radiation, and all I got to show for it is what turns out to be one of the most comfortable summer weather shirts I’ve ever had.
It is my sincere hope that your experience turns out to be as benign. Stay strong.
Wow! Good luck with this! On the positive side, you really can write!
Thank you! And, all better now, just a bit scary at the time. I hope Richard’s outcome is as benign as mine was. I totally related to his description of the CT scans and the fear and worst assumptions while waiting for results.
Yes, it’s the waiting–the limbo–that is incredibly torturous! And the results are not always as awful as you imagine, as in your case, thank God! Hopefully Richard’s case, too 🙂
So what did you do with the two hospital gowns that you stole?
LOL…I’d wondered the same thing!
Some years ago I had some neurological symptoms. After the usual poke, prod, and stab tests and a slide through the big donut (BONK-BONK-BONK-BONK bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip…), the doctor reckoned I might have either Foster’s Disease or ACRONYM. Or nothing.
“Well,” he mused, “ACRONYM’s not serious, and though you may walk funny, it can be managed with a few thousand dollars of meds a year. I’ll give you some free samples if the tests confirm ACRONYM. But it it’s Foster’s, the onset is so slow at your age, you’ll probably die of something completely different before the Foster’s can kill you.”
This was strangely comforting, this bizarre notion that I could cheat Foster’s by dying of another condition before it could get me. “In yo’ face, Foster’s!”
Live in the now, steep yourself in everything that is happening to you, and love the hell out of yourself…DD
I was deeply touched by your post. I can relate to what you’re going through because for the past month, I, too, have been experiencing some symptoms that I have been fearing might be MS. My MRI revealed that my brain is healthy for which I am thankful. However, I am still experiencing these symptoms, particularly paralysis, numbness, and tingling in my left hand and fingers. A nerve test of my arm and hand did recently reveal severe nerve damage. If that is what’s causing the paralysis in my hand, I may have to have surgery. I have an appointment Monday to see a hand and upper extremity surgeon. But before I allow anyone to operate on me, I want to be sure that there isn’t something else attributing to my symptoms.
I recently recalled that several years ago, a chiropractor told me that I have scoliosis. I have been doing a lot of research, mainly on MS and scoliosis. Since I’m having a lot of physical and muscle weakness all over my body, I’m starting to wonder if my symptoms are coming from the curvature of my spine pressing on nerves in my body. This is one of the things I will discuss on Monday when I see the surgeon.
At the end of your post, you say you are scared. I am, too. The thought of losing some normal function of my body disheartens me, but I have been praying and asking God that if my diagnosis (whatever it may be) is not good, if He will help me to endure. I know He may not always move everything that causes us pain, but He will certainly give us the power by means of His Holy Spirit to endure one day at a time, moment by moment. (2 Corinthians 4:7-11) My faith helps keep me going. That is why I share this with you. We all need help and encouragement from time to time (including myself.) I wish the very best for you! Take care! 🙂
My great grandmother had it for many years and apparently could do little than carry a heavy tray.
Cheers
MTM
Sorry I meant it got no worse than difficulty carrying a heavy tray. Oh and thanks for following my blog.
*hugs* be brave.
May things come of better than you could have hoped to ask.
-Sarah
Uncertainty is one of the worst health challenges to endure! Human nature abhors a vacuum more than anything, it seems, and so we fill up the void while waiting for further facts, loading ourselves up with conjectures and fears, hopes, imaginings, and outright inventions that are often at least as weird and painful as whatever it is that’s really ahead. May you have better health, a great prognosis, inner calm, and yes, a continuation of your wonderfully healthy sense of the absurd. Despite the tension of the unknown inherent in the tale, I found this post a fabulous read since it addresses some pretty universal experiences and emotions, but in a uniquely delightful voice.
Cheers!—and good news ahead, I hope!
Kathryn
sorry to hear you are having some medical crap . though hopefuly in the end you get the good news of what you have finaly and it is not ms in the end hang in there. for you will with time get the answers you need .
My friend has been dealing with this very issue for a little while now, so although I can’t say I know what you are going through, he does and it must be very frustrating. I wish you a speedy recovery. You are a fantastic writer by the way.
If it were me, I would immediately begin detoxing. No junk food, organic only. Take chlorophyll daily, use turmeric capsules, no smoking, no drugs, no alcohol. Drink non-floridated water only. And then begin to research a completely improved lifestyle- probably not in a big city.
Most of all, use the fear for change to get healthy. Nearly everything can be cured.
On reading your post here; I scanned through to the end of The Incident; finding that the person who wrote same was a remarkably talented writer; someone with a very good sense of humour; and moreover; someone who must have buckets of courage (one on each side of everything!) and a HUGE potential for brave-ness and I just want to say “Kudos” for confronting what was undoubtably an experience and a half… ((keep that chin up won’t you?!)) (-__-) Cheers
Ops – my internet pen made a boo-boo – that should have read “undoubtedly…” (◡‿◡
Thought provoking and definitely informative.
Hi, Thanks for following my meanders.
I must admit, being a fairly new blogger, that I clicked on the little blue name of the site that announces a new follower with the resigned resignation that I have now, after doing the same and finding nothing on the end of it but what I have started to referring to as ‘blogger floggers’, American sites with no apparent synergy or relevance to your own interests and ‘motivational’ copy and pasted lists of twelve things you must put in your blog to gain followers, that sort of thing.
I was of course then pleasantly surprised to read your articles, eloquent, well and funnily observed and deserving of following back. After I read this one I can of course now see why you might have been around.
I really hope that you don’t get the diagnosis you’re anxious about but what I want to add is that even if it is there may not be as much to fear as you think. You may want to read this one: http://adukeslife.wordpress.com/2014/04/25/lulls/
Good luck, keep that humour and I look forward to reading more of your journey.
Ha ha ha ha. I don’t know how to put it other than a hilarious tentative analysis your serious double view diagnosis which brought you to an MRI machine… My God! I was laughing all the way up till the end of your article. Thank you for such an entertainment and oh I dun wanna be a pyscho and not wish you a great health in future; always. Be good! 🙂
Hi, nice article and I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I know this may sound crazy but check out our video on Pork Tape Worms and nutrition. It might help you in your search for more answers and how to deal with your diagnosis.
I can’t imagine the anxiety you must have had with had with all the testing, Thank you for sharing this. I learned many new medical terms, had a laugh in the middle, and felt a concern for your health and well being.
Oh my…sorry about that bit of news…I was thinking MS before 2 nd paragraph. At least so much more is being made in the way of progress in treating it. My next door neighbor has it also…for like 10 years …I couldn’t believe it..she cuts her yard and is active, goes to gym daily, you’d never know! I wish you the very best.
You write vividly 😀 You probably have the result by now. Whatever it maybe, consider that challenges in our lives are meant to strengthen.
Great blog, and a truly amazing post. I wish you the best.
Waiting to know is a horrible time. I wish you all the best !
something like this tends to cause a shift in one’s priority. wonderful writing.
You have been added to my prayer list. This will be quite a time in your life. I will pray for your healing.
When I read the sentence about little white lesions, I have to confess I gasped and well, am a little tearful. I already knew what the rest was going to say. My neurologist is also on the look out for MS but we haven’t found any lesions yet. Maybe we won’t but I am terrified. Living with this kind of uncertainty shapes you. In some ways for good- you become strong. Everyday you face feels like a struggle and when you survive you become less breakable. But on the flip side, you become hyper vigilant and anxiety eats you out from the center. When people offer sympathy, although it’s from the heart and well meant, it’s a bit lost (on me at least) I would offer this- the human will at it’s best is totally resilient. Don’t give up. And when you do give up, get back up and begin again.
Very well said.
Thank you.
Soldier on. That is the very best – and the very least – that any of us can do when life – as we Americans put it – “throws us a curve ball.” But for god’s sake (and ours) don’t stop writing!
My thoughts are with you all the way my friend~Thank you for sharing your experiences in such an eloquent up front manner. Is it OK to tweet this on to my friends?
Sure thing
Brilliant post – but much as I enjoyed reading it, I hope you make a full recovery and so won’t need to write any others on this theme.
This seems a strange place for me to join in your story, but I just wanted to say… I skimmed back through your posts, enjoyed each one thoroughly, and I’m sending as many good thoughts as I can muster.
Hoping and praying for the best for you. …And waiting for your next post regarding this issue. Keep your head up.
Hey, I’ve gone through kidney failure, and my girlfriend has been told she might have hours to live twice. I’m not gonna pretend to know what you’re going through because everyone is different and the first time getting news like this is definitely the worst. I will say that they are absolutely right about not thinking about it too much. I know it’s hard, but until they hand you a solid diagnosis then I’ve learned to just assume the best. It sucks, and I hope you get closure and health quickly. Not knowing is the worst.
Great advice!
Praying for your recovery
i have a least one big ass lesion in my brain but as my health deteriorated horribly, and my doctor said ‘it’s time to test you for MS’ i simply got up and walked out of her office and never went back, i have spent the last 25 yrs fighting for my health, some years even bed ridden, and recently i discovered something called ‘the ketogenic diet’ and the pain is dissipating and i’m sleeping better and thinking better and feeling better in general, look up a book called ‘the wahls protocol’ it’s about a woman who cured her MS with the ketogenic diet, God speed you along to great health
No sweat, friend. I have had Multiple Sclerosis since I was 14 years old and I am now nearly 72. Fortunately, I have the remitting/relapsing variety. I have crashed resoundingly over the years, blind, paralysed etc. for weeks or months, in a wheelchair for years, but it did not stop me living and working all over the world and raising three children. There were as many blessings as trials if not more.
Whatever the experts say, nerves can remyelise, muscles can recover from atrophy, visualisation, prayer, natural remedies, yoga, meditation and many other non-mainstream approaches have worked for me.
The key seems to be to refuse to be a victim.
I just left a long reply which disappeared, but am trying again.
Don’t despair. I have had MS since I was 14 years old and am now nearly 72. I am lucky to have the remitting/relapsing form. Over the years I have crashed badly, blind, paralysed, wheelchair bound for weeks, months, years. But it never stopped me living and working all over the world and raising a family.
Whatever the experts say, nerves do remyelinise, plaques reabsorb, atrophied muscles can be retoned.
For me, all kinds of unrecognised, mainstream approaches worked, from diet to yoga, and from prayer, and visualisation to electrical neural stimulation, excercise and acupuncture. The key seems to be to refuse to be a victim.
sorry, cannot edit the above – but it should read non-mainstream. Also I have had as many blessings from my challenge as problems, if not more. Bless you. Life is good.
Very profound! Your comments inspired me! Thank you! 🙂
I like your style of writing. Thanks for stopping by my blog/online magazine and deciding to follow me. I hope you enjoy reading what I post.
As you get older, in my opinion, there are more and more symptoms of Murphy’s Law showing up in hospitals. I don’t know if it was because I was younger then but I had more faith in the health care system before Medicare took over, tore out all the old wisdom and paved the road to the graveyards.
Did you say this all started with your discovering you were seeing double? I guess, ever since I was young, I thought that was the way everybody saw things.
Yes, I also suffer from a tendency to be overwhelmed by Murphy’s Law I will admit. Thank you for reminding me to try to be more positive.
Sorry to hear about your health issue. I wish you all the very best, whatever the diagnosis turns out to be.
I came down with the flu in 2008 and vertigo that would not leave. A CT scan revealed no tumors. A series of test revealed a nerve from my ear to my brain was irreparably damaged. The only therapy was to retrain my brain with 8 months of exercises to have my eyes become the equilibrium mechanism. I admit too, I was scared. Sending you positive thoughts. Thanks for following my blog.
Have them check you for Epstein Barr levels in your blood. Supposedly many who suffer from MS have this as well. Also, supposedly they think this virus may cause other problems in the body and they are not sure if this is what causes MS due to the prevalence in most case. Good luck and God bless.
I can all too easily relate! I equate an MRI or MRA to being sealed in a 50 gallon drum and having gorillas pound on it with hammers! They never show your ass hanging out of the gown. My picture with the MRA looked worse than Homer Simpson, but hey keep your sense of humor! Good post!
Your post popped up in my e-mail when you kindly decided to “follow” my Plain & Simple Writers site. Very sorry to hear you had this terrifying experience. I had something similar happen to me about 20 years ago — disabling double vision that lasted the better part of a day and didn’t fully disappear until the following morning. An ophthalmologist speculated that it was MS. In the U.S., you can’t get health insurance if you have a “diagnosis” (i.e., if anything worse than a mild cold ails you), and since I’m given to drifting in and out of real employment with benefits and self-employed contracting, I ran out of his office like a rabbit and never went back.
Before I could escape, though, he did say that occasionally MS-like episodes occur once and never again, and that I could have experienced an ocular migraine — in fact, that’s what he put in his records, by way of throwing Big Insurance off the track. He also said that the image we all have of wasting away in a wheelchair is very much the exception, and although there could be episodes of illness, a normal life is quite likely. He also said that in the case of progressing cases, there are treatments that can ameliorate the disease.
I’m now almost 70. Nothing has happened. In all that time, I’ve experienced two more ocular migraines(?), with no after-effects. It’s ridiculous to suggest not worrying…even a speculative diagnosis like this changes your life and your attitude toward yourself. But do bear in mind that it’s not a death sentence and you may very well live out your years in good health.
I am much saddened to read this post and hope with all my heart that you are now in a much better place , your writing is so eloquent , dignified , humorous and interesting , I follow you on twitter and did not realise about this health issue you had experienced and was actually just checking for a new post from you when I came across this one , I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your posts. Kind Regards and many blessings from one of your fans in the wesht . Kathy.